after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
