Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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