I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
