singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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