Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
