OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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