No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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