Can i not drive my cunt home
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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