Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
