Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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