I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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