Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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