Yo dont text me then not text me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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