you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
