nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
