Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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