The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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