Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
