Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
