It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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