watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
