I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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