I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
