Me too!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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