The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize