took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
