he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
