So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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