After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
