Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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