so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
