I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
