Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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