party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
