I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
