Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
