There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
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