I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
