hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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