what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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