we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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