hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
