TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
