Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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