I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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