Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You made out with two different species that night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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