So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize