I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize