im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
