tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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