Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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