I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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