I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
