Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize