apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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