Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
