I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
