I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
