does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
