i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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