D3 body, D1 cock
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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