he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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