yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
