You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
