So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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