god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
